Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 5, Episode 9
The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the ninth episode of the fifth series. Key *'HD' – Hugh Dennis *'AP' – Andy Parsons *'FB' – Frankie Boyle *'RH' – Russell Howard *'MW' – Mark Watson *'JC' – Jo Caulfield Topics Unlikely Small Ads FB: 'Erectile problems? Hahahahahaha! '''AP: '''Found: DVD of ''Lost. '''HD: Want to earn pounds, pounds, pounds? Yes, £3! FB: 'Would you like no strings attached sex? Contact my whore of an ex-wife. '''HD: '''Worried about hair loss? You bald bastard. '''AP: '(Was about to say something after '''HD's suggestion, but was buzzed off before suggesting) FB: 'Dog available to good home. Free prawn crackers with every delivery. '''JC: '''Want to earn money at home? Become a prostitute, it's easy! '''HD: '''Problems with your short-term memory? Can't remember what you've just read? Problems with your short-term memory?... '''MW: '''Room to let. No one has died in it. No one. '''RH: '''Wanted, one Spice Girls ticket and one gun. '''FB: '''Bored, lonely, depressed? Meet like-minded people at salsa dancing! ''(Too Hot for TV suggestions:) '''AP: Become an organ donor. Cycle in London today! RH: For sale: one penis pump. Careless owner. FB: John, 20, has been missing for five years. He was a diabetic and left without taking his medication. Let's face it, he's dead. AP: Come and get me! I'm just 16 years old and barely legal! Sadly, I'm a car. HD: SWF, GSOH, seeks other letters to form proper words. MW: Lady seeks male for walks, laughs, and eye-watering anal sex. FB: Are you looking for a plumber to do a professional job at an affordable price? You've got no fucking chance. RH: For sale: parrot, knows all the latest swear words. Tell 'em, Ringo! (imitating parrot:) C*nt! C*nt! C***NT!!! Excerpts From DVDs That Wouldn't Sell HD: My name is Hannibal Lecter. I'm a vegan. FB: 'I'm afraid one thing you're going to be fighting for some time, Bond, is HIV. '''AP: '''Welcome to ''Antiques Roadshow: Too Hot For TV. 'RH: '''From the makers of ''Alien vs Predator, Alien vs Pingu. '''HD: (deep voice) From the makers of Snakes on a Plane: Mice on a Tube. FB: Here's looking at you, kid, is why I'm in a Cambodian jail. RH: '3-love. I'm Ann Widdecombe and this is Naked Table Tennis. '''FB: '''Ahh, Frodo, you're hurting me. When I said you should destroy the ring...... ''(Too Hot for TV suggestions:) '''FB: Thank you for purchasing Learning the Guitar with Stephen Hawking. RH: Bloody Hell, that looks like a Roman viaduct. Hiya, welcome back to Celebrity Bowel Movement with me, Vernon Kay. HD: Let me explain this right from the start: I see dead people. FB: We've got your X-rays back, Rocky. Turns out you were brain-damaged before you started boxing. AP: Mary Poppins, ever since you shook that baby, it's not moved! FB: All Jedi do gay stuff, Luke. Relax and feel the Force. RH: And now, Late Night Chuckle Brothers! To me! To you! (starts wanking) HD: Hello, I'm John Prescott, and welcome to Speaking English as a Foreign Language. FB: I'm from the future. Mankind won its war with the robots easily, so I'm out here on my own time to murder James Blunt. RH: Grr, that's better... Join us next week for an all-new Slash in the Attic. AP: Hello, and welcome to Call My Muff: the Highlights! Category:Scenes We'd Like To See